Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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