dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
