I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
