You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
