Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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