I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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