Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
