thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
