i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
