I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
