I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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