i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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