They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
