Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
