Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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