its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
