Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
