I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
