GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
