Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
