How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
