it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
