please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
