I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
