Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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