you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
