FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
