I will die if light touches me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
