there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
