and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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