apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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