drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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