In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
