considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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