its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're a disaster
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