I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
