he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i out mim tonsoeep
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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