I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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