What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
