Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just found a bag of teeth...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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