So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
