just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
