my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
