I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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