Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
