I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
