Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
