plz talk dirty to me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
