it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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