you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
