upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
