CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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