I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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