remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
