Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
