I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
