I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
