Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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