I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
